“Agege! Agege!! Agege!!! Enter with your 50 naira change oo”
The conductor’s liquor induced voice screeched.
I work at Ogba and we all know the quickest route to take from Iyana-Ipaja is the Agege route.
Agege buses are very special for the following reasons
- Old and dilapidated
- They have a custom type of bus. . . No doors
- The drivers have acquired a certain degree of road madness with time.
Back to the issue.
Since my car (Mercedes Benz C300 4matic) is still on the way, I’m a commercial bus passenger for the small time. I experience different scenarios and I have been able to map out the type of passengers and choose a seat wisely.
Here they are
1. The sleeperzoids:
Once they get seated, bammmm.. They are on duty, sleeping all through the journey. To the extent that they start leaning on the next passenger or even pass their bus stops.
2. The assistant conductors:
These ones offer help to the conductor, the only difference is that they are seated.
They are divided into subcategories
i. The change calculators and recorders
ii. The one helping to call passengers
iii. The ones that offer direction to the passengers
3. The Bloody Liars:
“Chinedu, no vex, I dey Yaba already”.
Meanwhile, our bus is at Victoria Island. I keep wondering maybe I’m on the right bus.
These set of people may not get to heaven.
4. The preachers:
The fiery ones (preaching like John the Baptist), the mellow ones (like Philip), the ones who will cajole people and “demand” for money afterward (Judases).
5. The giraffes:
These ones will peep into your phone till you put the display off. It’s actually annoying. Especially the aunty sikirats and irenes.
6. The Snobs:
They aren’t the regular annoying “snobs”, they don’t have time for any drama. They keep silent and stare out the window till they get to their bus stop. They just mind their business and most of them rely on their headphones and find solace in music.
7. The intolerant ones.
“Biko shift, I’m not comfortable”… They won’t even budge.
These are the ones who are destined to ride in a public bus forever because they believe they have rights. They are the worst set of people in any bus. Avoid confrontations with them.
8. The Political warriors and government propagandists
Once the bus enters a pothole or gets stopped by a police officer, their chance has materialized.
They will blame the government for the air they breathe and the nation’s state of affairs.
They might be right or wrong.
9. The ones who just want to mingle
They want to discuss issues of mutual interest, share ideas and create a good conversation.
If they are lucky, they’ll acquire new friendships and network or else, they’ll just be talking to an irritated and frustrated persona.
10. The Foodie
This category does not need any extra description. They chew and drink all through the journey leaving behind enough garbage on the bus when they arrive their destination.
The danfo bus is not expected to be a comfort zone. Don’t expect to get the very best. Manage it, after all, you are just a passenger, you’ll get your very own car as soon as you can.
What category do you belong to? Tell us in the comment box below.